That's Japan, Too

I often get emails from people curious about what they might face if they come to live in Japan. Here's why, even after 20 years here, I remain cautious with my response.

I often get emails from people around the world, mostly people of the African diaspora, who have stumbled across my work in their research about life in Japan for non-Japanese (and POAD in particular).

Sometimes they just thank me for giving them some insight into life here through my articles, and other times they hit me up with specific questions and/or requests. I try, as always, to be helpful and a straight shooter in my responses. For example, here's a question I received and the response I sent recently.

Dear Mr. McNeil:

My family is relocating to Tokyo this summer. My husband got a promotion that is relocating the whole family. We have two sons, a 5-year-old (soon to be 6) and a 15-year-old. My husband is Afro-Dominican and I'm Puerto Rican.

Any insights that you can offer in terms of life, schools, and adjusting to Japanese culture is much appreciated! We are taking Japanese language classes so I’m hoping to have a super basic grasp of the language before arriving. Again, any insights you have are welcome.

Dear _______________

Thanks for your message and tell the hubby I said congrats!

Any insights?

I'm hesitant to say anything because everyone will see Japan according to the mindset they bring here and the experience they have once they arrive, and I don't want to taint you in any way.

There are people here who say the Japanese are the kindest, sweetest people on earth, and others who say this is one of the most subtly racist countries on earth. And sometimes they are both right from my experience. Sometimes neither is.

People can look at the exact same behavior and walk away from it having processed it entirely differently.

For example, one person might look at the empty seat beside them on a train here (a common occurrence) and feel a sense of isolation or the public's scrutiny/judgment, and another person just sees more space, stretches out without a care or perhaps with a bit of mild contempt, and goes on with their life. A third person might not even notice anything was out of place, living in the blissful embrace of their Japan. Yet another person might acknowledge the empty seat coldly before unknowingly adding the incident to a list of grievances they've been accruing in their heart for years.

I've known all of these people in my time here.

Hell, I've BEEN all of these people over the past 20 years!

That's Japan.

So, all I will say is leave your expectations in the US, because they will usually be off and become obstacles to seeing Japan for what it is (or what it will be for you)! And keep up the language acquisition as you have wisely begun (it is useful even in English-friendly Tokyo). And brace yourself for some paradigm shifts. They shouldn't be too jarring though considering both you and your partner are multicultural already, so you likely already know how far the pendulum can swing and have learned to swing with it to an extent.

I say this because Japan WILL challenge your belief systems.

Case in point, for me, Japan has redefined in many respects what I've come to expect from human beings. I've raised the bar, somewhat. And once you raise THAT bar, once you've seen the potential, it's very difficult to lower it.

For example, if I go to a cafe and I need to go to the restroom, I shouldn't be so wary of my fellow humans that I lug all of my belongings with me into the toilet. Right? Here I could leave my wallet cellphone laptop and my mewling infant on the table, go take a 10-minute poo, come back, and not only will my wallet, cellphone, and laptop be unmolested but someone might be nursing my baby!

I exaggerate but only a little.

But, I will have sat in that toilet completely unconcerned about my belongings. No hyperbole there. And I can't go back to distrusting my fellow humans easily.

And that's Japan, too.

Anyway, paradigm shifts await in the land of the rising sun. Good luck!

Best,

Baye McNeil

PS: My new book, "Words by Baye, Art by Miki" is chockful of paradigm shifts, life lessons, and hilarious moments in my 20-year stint here. And readers are applauding it! Let me know (and the world know) what you think once you've read it. You won't regret it. https://www.bayemcneil.com/category/all-products