Should Foreigners Directly Challenge Japanese Opinions?

How do you respond when someone asserts "黒人が危ないんだね" (Black people are dangerous)? Should foreigners speak up or bite their tongues? Here's my hot take!

Just want to, firstly, thank all my subscribers! This substack just keeps growing and growing, and I DIG that! (-;

OK, let’s get to it!

I get a LOT of letters from readers...mostly white readers. And I try to respond to each. And depending on how much time I have on my hands when I receive the letter, the response can range from a handful of words (“Interesting perspective you’ve got there. I couldn’t disagree more! But thanks for sharing!” to several hundred words.

Here's one such letter I think is representative of many, and my response:

Hi Baye,

I don't want to sound like probably all the rest of the commenters you get, and so I've avoided just outright sending you a typical, "Wow, your book is great" type of email, even though I wanted to express that sentiment. I read your book (Hi! My Name is Loco and I am a Racist) a while ago, and it really resonated with me, in some ways helping me to get my own handle on issues of race and racism.

I've been learning Japanese for around 7 years now and have been to Japan 4 times, for a total of around 6 months spent in Japan. I've never lived there as such, but I met many, many Japanese people through conversation exchange, etc. I guess I'm asking you if you have any kind of advice on how to deal with a situation such as this:

I've just got back from spending the evening with a Japanese girl. We've kind of decided to just be friends/conversation partners, but the thing that I notice and hear a lot goes something along the lines of:

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Japanese friend: "I wanted to move to East London because it seems like a cool area, but I think it's safer in the West."

Me: "Why do you think it's dangerous?"

JF: "Last time I was there, a few black guys tried to talk to me in a club."

Me: "Oh right…"

JF: "Yeah, so it seems like a dangerous area."

Me: "So you think they seemed dangerous?"

JF: "そうだね、黒人が危ないんだね" (Black people are dangerous.)

And so on.

I've had enough experience with Japanese people to know that you can't just directly challenge someone's opinion or present some information or point of view that is in direct opposition to their worldview or something they have just said, for risk of completely alienating yourself from that person. Believe me, I've done it enough times and burned through many potential friendships that way, but I'm just kind of at a loss. Something in your book really resonated with me, along the lines of the kind of soft, gentle, persistent racism, but then also the fact that at some point, you started to dehumanize Japanese people as a kind of explanatory/coping mechanism.

I'm really feeling like I'm somewhere near this dehumanizing phase at the moment. The whole "these people can't be human if they think of other people in those terms." And I can completely vouch for the fact that as a privileged white guy that the racism is present and direct and completely discriminates. It seems like often, Japanese people can feel comfortable telling a white guy that they don't like Koreans, Chinese, Indians, and black people but would balk at the idea of being considered judgmental or racist. I get tired of hearing that the criminals in Japan are the Koreans or that the guy I mentioned, whom I had been arguing in a bar with, “must have been Zainichi because われわれ日本人 (most Japanese) don't do that."

And maybe my problem is that it's because I'm doing the whole racism thing by referring to 'these Japanese people' or something, and maybe it's just confirmation bias or something, because I'm never mentioning all the times that someone Japanese didn't say something racist. But then again, the Japanese people do talk about "we Japanese" a lot, so it feels natural to frame it in those terms of 'they/those Japanese."

Anyway, maybe my question to you is something along these lines:

If you were to be in my position in one of those conversations, a fly on the wall as it were, what would you want to hear?

How do you think the conversation could be steered in a good direction?

I'm not sure that just pointing out any mistake in someone's reasoning in a direct way could ever work. And maybe it sounds shitty for me to reach out to you and basically ask you something along the lines of "How do I market black people to Japanese people?", and I really don't mean to be offensive or for you to take it that way, I apologise if it is.

I'm just kind of asking for your opinion as a somewhat experienced well positioned expert on some of the issues that I face, and possibly somewhat vainly hoping that I can at least make some part of the world not quite so painful for someone somewhere. Believe me, I know the empty seat, and can only begin to imagine what that felt like for you all those years. Maybe I can just eliminate one occasion of the empty seat by stating something well in an easy-to-accept/understand format.

Anyway, if you're as short on answers as I am, that's OK. And the book really is so eloquent and expressive, I found it hard to put down.

All the best,

Mark.

Decidedly not AI

Dear Mark,

First off, thanks for checking out my book. I'm glad it resonated and provided some things to consider. I couldn't ask for more than that.

Now to your question.

If I were "a fly on the wall," after vomiting and lapping it up as flies do, I would rub my little legs together and wish you NOT to worry about alienating your companion.

Fuck That!

So, you’ve done your homework and taken your lumps. And you’ve learned that communicating directly with Japanese people is a no-no. My experience has been different, though. I've spoken directly with Japanese people in my own style and voice. And if I can do it, there's a good chance that others can, too. And have! That's not to say that I've always been successful. I haven’t. Not even close.

Instead, I've come to think of it as my weeding-out process.

I'm not worried about "burning through friendships." This fly on the wall wants to holler in your ear: "Burn, Baby, Burn!"

That's why, in all my years on this island, I’ve only had a handful of Japanese friends. Still, you better believe every one of them knows that I'm not about to sit back and listen to them spew any hate-speak against any other people—unchallenged, that is.

If someone holds an opinion strong enough to voice it to me directly, I don't see why I can't directly challenge it. If the person conveys their opinion with subtle equivocations and coy evasions, I will use them in response. I admire the fine art of conversation, of innuendoes and double-entendres and such, as much as the next person. But there's nothing indirect, reserved, or evasive about "Black People are dangerous," and no allusive quality to "Chinese people are rude," is there?

I may extend the benefit of the doubt after indelicate statements like those. Give the person a chance to retract or re-think their position with a relatively subtle challenge like: "You think Barack Obama is dangerous?" or “You think Yo-Yo Ma is rude by nature?” And occasionally, that's all it takes to make the other person aware that they are in the company of someone who will push back against any ignorant generalizations and assertions. But, too often, mild pushbacks aren’t enough.

So, you better believe they are going to hear my thoughts. Politely, sure, but directly!

And, as far as I know, that's respected. If the person in question wants to withdraw their friendship, at least we'll go our separate ways without regret.

It all depends on how seriously you use the word "friend." I don't toss the term around lightly. A friend is someone I respect for who they are and respect me for who I am—someone with whom I've made and feel a connection, a bond. Not because I've adapted to their communication style to the point that my natural way of expressing myself is lost, reducing me to a mere mimic. But someone who can appreciate that while my style might be one they are unaccustomed to, it is as much a part of me as theirs is a part of them. Someone I can establish trust with, who accepts that while I may appear to be coming on strong, I'm doing it with the best intentions, just as I have to trust that their “shyness” or ignorance-asserting tendency is similarly well-intended. Trust is the foundation of any relationship with a future, and if there isn't any, what kind of friendship do you have anyway?

Of course, if you prefer they have the upper hand in all interactions, you can avoid confrontation, but I don't. I would have recommended that you continue the convo something like this:

JF: そうだね、黒人が危ないんだね (Yep, black people are dangerous)!

You: Hahahahahahaha!

JF: What's so funny?

You: (Slowly allow your laughter to sputter out.) That was a joke, right?

JF: えーとー(Ummmm)

You: (Flash a little shock, then feigned patience bordering on pity/disappointment.) Wait! You don't really believe that, do you?

JF: えーとー(Well, er…) 黒人が危ないでしょう (blacks ARE dangerous, right)???

You: You know, many people believe modern Japanese are great people with an exceptional, ultra-polite, and refined culture and that Japanese people are open-minded and incapable of thinking ill of people based on race.

JF: ...

You: But some people think the Japanese are a xenophobic, child-like race living on a tiny, pseudo-homogeneous island where they think they're sanctioned and safe to be ignorant and intolerant of non-Japanese people.

JF: Really?

You: Yeah. From far too many Japanese people I know, I've heard nonsense like what you just said. I've listened to such foolishness about Chinese, Koreans, Filipinos, Middle Eastern people, and people of African descent. And, you know what? I still refuse to label all Japanese people as ignorant and incapable of recognizing non-Japanese people's full humanity and diversity. Do you know why?

JF: えーとー(Ummmm) No?

You: Me neither. Wow, look at the time.

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If the person contacts you again with an apology or explanation, maybe you have laid the foundation for a real friendship founded on mutual respect. If not, oh well. As the wise and benevolent Ms. Hill says, you might win some, but you just lost one. I'd call that one a win, though.

Besides, living here, you learn rather quickly that you, as a perpetual and conspicuous outsider, are not expected (I want to say invited) to play by the same rules as Japanese people do. From their perspective (based on what I've learned over the years), we're handicapped by not being Japanese and thus incapable of living by their rules and even fully "getting" them, which I've found sometimes to be a blessing. Thanks in part to this condescending charitability, break specific rules (like the one you mentioned), and you are often forgiven, sometimes even beforehand.

So, when establishing friendships or dealing with people I plan to meet again and spend time with voluntarily, I do something radical: I let them know who I am. The real me. Not the me that eludes confrontation to avoid offending someone spewing toxic poppycock out of their pieholes. No. I mean, the "me" that, with all due diplomacy, tackles worthwhile conflicts head-on.

And I think a handful of real friends who dig YOU is a lot better than a shitload of friends that you must censor yourself and tiptoe around, cultural differences be damned.

An ancillary benefit of weeding out the riffraff this way is that you can keep yourself in touch with Japanese people who'll help you retain an open mind and empathetic heart. Something beneficial during times like you're going through now, where you feel yourself slowly dehumanizing them. You'll have some very human friends to support your equilibrium.

Thanks again, Mark. I hope this was helpful.

Best regards,

Baye

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