Everybody Staring At My ‘You Know What!’
The following conversation took place between a co-worker and I.
Co-worker: Are you looking forward to Friday?
Me: Always. Why? Is something special happening this Friday?
Co-Worker: Eee? The nomikai (drinking party) is Friday night!
Me: Really? I didn’t hear anything about it…
(This is actually a common occurrence...things like these tend to slip between the cracks)
CW: what?? Nobody told you??
Me: …
CW: Oh my god! so sorry.
Me: Don’t worry about it…no big deal. Where? In Tokyo?
CW: No, in Chiba.
Me: Chiba? Kinda far for a nomikai, isn’t it?
CW: We are staying until morning…it’s at an onsen. (Hot Springs)
Me: Oh! I see… (my initial reaction, that childish emotional response of “Didn’t want to go on your stupid trip, anyway” must have registered on my traitorous face)
CW: So sorry, baye-sensei…to be honest (she glances around) I don’t want to go. I envy you. I have to go.
Me: Is the school paying for it?
CW: (She laughs uproariously) Of course not! It’s 18000 yen!
Me: Ouch!
CW: Are you sure you’re OK?
Me: Of course. Since you were honest with me, let me be honest with you: I wouldn’t have gone even if I had been invited.
CW: Really? Why not?
Me: I hate public onsens…that is to say, I hate going to public onsens and getting naked in front of co-workers. I feel so awkward, with everybody staring at my ‘You know what…’ You know? And making comments about my…’you know what…’
CW: (innocently perplexed) Your what? I know what?
(I give her some deep eye contact…then look down at my crotch…she follows my eyes down…)
Me: You know what I mean??
(She burst out laughing again, drawing attention…)
Me:
Shhh! Seriously! (whispering now) I ain’t got no problem getting nude in front of men, but here it’s like we got to have this conversation about siz…(I catch myself) I mean about ‘you know what.’
CW: That’s how they say it in America? Your ‘you know what’?
Me: Yeah, sometimes...depends.
CW: That’s so funny! So, you never go to onsen?
Me: I love onsen. I used to go quite often. But not to public onsen…only private ones. Or ones where I don’t know anybody, where me and my ‘you know what’ can relax in peace without prying eyes.
yep, thats why i never go to onsens........well, unless its a konyoku: a coed onsen. those can be great fun sometimes. but most times its just a bunch of obaachans. But yo, I'd rather look at a bunch of mammaries dragging on the ground, than have a bunch of dudes stare at my, "you know what."